Feeling low

Oct. 8th, 2009 08:38 pm
maisfeeka: (Little girl blue with teddy)
Feeling rather low today. Talked with my PT guy - who is wonderful, by the way - about some of the realities of my rotator cuff tear.

Bottom line is that if he/we don't feel it's getting at all better in the next few weeks he probably won't recommend more PT since there's no point in doing it if it doesn't help.

Which brought up the very real possibility that I will need surgery in the future - if not to fix the tear, then to decrease the bone over the tendon as it is impinging on the tendon and may be aggravating the problem.

And he wanted to let me know that even if all goes well, either with PT or surgery, scar tissue may well develop which could mean that I might never be completely pain free. I told him that I've had rheumatoid arthritis for 7 years now and haven't had a pain free day in all that time. If I can heal enough to manage to put on my clothes or shower or dry myself off without crying? I'll take that.

I wasn't really bothered or upset by the conversation while I was there, but when I got out to my car later I suddenly got all teary and desperately wanted nothing more than to go find someone who'd just wrap their arms around me and let me sob for a while.

And then I realized that I don't have anyone like that in my life anymore. Not ones who would be comfortable with it or where I wouldn't feel like I was dumping more on them than they needed to worry about or deal with. And suddenly I felt very alone even though I know there are oh so many people who care for me.

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Mai

August 2015

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