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maisfeekaLife today... just not good.
I'm doing the mild version of the panicky/anxiety attack things I was doing seriously about a year and a half ago. (My nurse practitioner and I think it's linked to the time around my period.) My latest thing over the past few days has been, "How will I afford to eat over the summer when I currently eat lunch every day at school and money's tight now." Not like I haven't managed quite nicely for the past EIGHTEEN years. Not that my gas bill won't drop by about $150/month once winter's done. Not that I don't have *quite* a bit of money tucked away should I need to dig into it. Not that I'm not doing at least 4 paying ($50/show or more) gigs and will likely have quite a few more lined up by summer. Just totally irrational.
And then my aide gave me a hard time about telling a student that the new math topic was easy "because it may not be easy for him, math never was for me and they were always telling me it was easy and then I felt stupid and now you're making HIM feel stupid" - all in front of said kid, who really is like my smartest kid in math and all he was doing was adding two numbers and subtracting them from 180. (And he got every single one right without additional help from me.) I get that it's her issue, but god, I felt like such a failure.
And then went to a YTAC (Yellow Taxi Acting Company) meeting and I couldn't do a simple acting exercise and started to cry...
And yeah, just a bad day.
I'm doing the mild version of the panicky/anxiety attack things I was doing seriously about a year and a half ago. (My nurse practitioner and I think it's linked to the time around my period.) My latest thing over the past few days has been, "How will I afford to eat over the summer when I currently eat lunch every day at school and money's tight now." Not like I haven't managed quite nicely for the past EIGHTEEN years. Not that my gas bill won't drop by about $150/month once winter's done. Not that I don't have *quite* a bit of money tucked away should I need to dig into it. Not that I'm not doing at least 4 paying ($50/show or more) gigs and will likely have quite a few more lined up by summer. Just totally irrational.
And then my aide gave me a hard time about telling a student that the new math topic was easy "because it may not be easy for him, math never was for me and they were always telling me it was easy and then I felt stupid and now you're making HIM feel stupid" - all in front of said kid, who really is like my smartest kid in math and all he was doing was adding two numbers and subtracting them from 180. (And he got every single one right without additional help from me.) I get that it's her issue, but god, I felt like such a failure.
And then went to a YTAC (Yellow Taxi Acting Company) meeting and I couldn't do a simple acting exercise and started to cry...
And yeah, just a bad day.