Gah...

[maisfeeka]

Life today... just not good.

I'm doing the mild version of the panicky/anxiety attack things I was doing seriously about a year and a half ago. (My nurse practitioner and I think it's linked to the time around my period.) My latest thing over the past few days has been, "How will I afford to eat over the summer when I currently eat lunch every day at school and money's tight now." Not like I haven't managed quite nicely for the past EIGHTEEN years. Not that my gas bill won't drop by about $150/month once winter's done. Not that I don't have *quite* a bit of money tucked away should I need to dig into it. Not that I'm not doing at least 4 paying ($50/show or more) gigs and will likely have quite a few more lined up by summer. Just totally irrational.

And then my aide gave me a hard time about telling a student that the new math topic was easy "because it may not be easy for him, math never was for me and they were always telling me it was easy and then I felt stupid and now you're making HIM feel stupid" - all in front of said kid, who really is like my smartest kid in math and all he was doing was adding two numbers and subtracting them from 180. (And he got every single one right without additional help from me.) I get that it's her issue, but god, I felt like such a failure.

And then went to a YTAC (Yellow Taxi Acting Company) meeting and I couldn't do a simple acting exercise and started to cry...

And yeah, just a bad day.

Comments

[celli]

*hugs*

[maisfeeka.livejournal.com]

Thanks. *hugs back*

[thefannishwaldo.livejournal.com]

*hugs*! Ferret *hugs*!

If it helps, I accidentally thought I got fired today. Spent three hours trying not to throw up.

All because I misread a letter. *headdesk*

But yeah, I understand anxiety that needn't be.

more *hugs!*

[maisfeeka.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I read that while I was skimming my Flist at work and felt terrible for you. Sooooo glad you did misread, rather than it being accurate.

Thanks and *Hugs back*

[akathorne.livejournal.com]

Today was just a huge day of suck for many people I know. Bleeeeech. *hugs*

[maisfeeka.livejournal.com]

It's something at least - that it's not just me. ;)

Thanks and *hugs back*.

[rhopalocera.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you are having a rough day. Sending you {hugs} and wishes for a better day tomorrow.

[maisfeeka.livejournal.com]

Thanks. *hugs back*

[guinwhyte.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I hate those kinds of days. Hope things get better for you.

[maisfeeka.livejournal.com]

Thanks. *hugs back*

[brain-candy.livejournal.com]

I guess it's now tomorrow, so I hope this day is a better one! *hugs*

[maisfeeka.livejournal.com]

Me too! Thanks! *hugs back*

[suzvoy.livejournal.com]

*clings*

[maisfeeka.livejournal.com]

*clings back*

[poohmusings.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey. *HUGS* I hope today's been better to you.

[maisfeeka.livejournal.com]

Thanks. *Hugs back*

And so far, so good. :)

[mountainthyme.livejournal.com]

*hugs!!*

I'm late to this, because I've been neglecting my flist, but I still wanted to stop and leave some good wishes. I totally understand about the anxiety disorders, people who don't have that problem don't get that it's not logical, and you can't just say "Oh, that doesn't make sense, so I'm not going to worry about it anymore". If it were only logical things you got upset over, it wouldn't be a disorder, would it? ;)

So what I guess I'm saying is...I totally understand, and I hope that you're able to work past it and feel better soon. :)

[maisfeeka.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. The rest of the week has been much better. Which I kind of hate to say because then I'm always afraid I'll jinx myself. ;) The panicky feelings are much less than they were a year and a half ago and they don't last terribly long, but still, when they're here they're terrible. And I mean, my god, how will I afford to eat? Where does that stuff even come from? So yeah, totally irrational.

Thanks so much for the good thoughts!